Sweet Nothings

Not being creepy at all.

I came across a poem that wrote months back in bed with someone that I was so deeply enamored by. The poem was about how I think my heart was about the be shattered. The very next day, it WAS shattered. My intuition was spot on. As I read over the poem, I felt no sadness. I only felt relief that this isn’t my life anymore, happiness at where my life is at now, and hope for my still bright future. I’m glad my heartbreak is relatively through, but I am also glad I experienced it because it shaped who I am and made stronger. As cliche as that sounds, it is 100% the truth.

I almost wanna post the poem as a final form of closure. But I think I’ll keep it to myself. Or burn it. Whichever 😉

because everyone i know is at an awesome comic book convention…and because i secretly love these.

• 1. Are looks important in a relationship? well, yeah.
• 2. Are relationships ever worth it? they can be.
• 3. Are you a virgin? psshhh no.
• 4. Are you in a relationship? no.
• 5. Are you in love? naw, homie don’t play that.
• 6. Are you single this year? at moments.
• 7. Can you commit to one person? haha, not right now.
• 8. Describe your crush. i don’t have a “crush.”
• 9. Describe your perfect mate. all i know is that he has to be funny, like good music, and generally get a long with me and the people in my life.
• 10. Do you believe in love at first sight? um, no.
• 11. Do you ever want to get married? maybe.
• 12. Do you forgive betrayal? apparently, no.
• 13. Do you get jealous easily? not particularly, but it does rear its ugly head.
• 14. Do you have a crush on anyone? no. crushes are for preteens.
• 15. Do you have any piercings? yeah.
• 16. Do you have any tattoos? yeah.
• 17. Do you like kissing in public? not like, sucking face. but cute little kisses, sure.
• 20. Do you shower every day? try to.
• 21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? yes.
• 22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? maybeee.
• 23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? i’ve done it before. i am sure i can do it again.
• 24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? probably.
• 25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? not really.
• 26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? yes!
• 27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? i don’t think so.
• 28. Have you ever been cheated on? yes sir.
• 29. Have you ever cheated on someone? no.
• 30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? boobies. i would never do it though. would rather not have kids that i am trying to teach self acceptance when i have fake tits.
• 31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? ehh yeah. we all do at one point.
• 32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? ha.
• 33. Have you ever had sex with a man? never.
• 34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? women can’t have sex with each other. hahaha kidding. no.
• 35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? sure.
• 36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? hahaha. story of my life.
• 37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? haha. again, story of my life.
• 38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? everyone once in awhile, i surprise myself.
• 39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? i guess.
• 40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? yeah.
• 41. Have you had sex so far this year? um like 2.5 million times. haha.
• 42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? hmm, i am actually not sure. probably not long.
• 43. How long was your longest relationship? almost 2 1/2 years.
• 44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? don’t feel like counting. not that i am lazy, just don’t wannaaa.
• 45. How many people did you kiss in 2011? the year is still young.
• 46. How many times did you have sex last year? these are really personal questions. not like anyone is going to read this. like i said earlier, 2.5 million times. wait…..2.51 million times.
• 47. How old are you? 22
• 48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? awesome?
• 49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? not my boyfriend. but he is incredibly easy going, doesn’t let petty things bother him. easy to be around thats for sure.
• 50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? hell no.
• 51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? there are quite of bit of people i would do anything for.
• 52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? um sure, because humans have the capacity to do pretty awful things, and i don’t feel like wasting my time with awful people.
• 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? i don’t think so.
• 54. Is there someone you will never forget? no, i forget everyone. my memory span for people and relationships lasts approximately 4 years.
• 55. Share a relationship story. boy meets girl. boy kisses girl. girl kisses boy. fast forward 2 years. boy, “meh.” girl, “meh.” bye bye.
• 56. State 8 facts about your body. 1. i am incredibly white. 2. i am naturally a blonde, but my hair is now black. 3. i have quite a bit of tattoos. 4. i have my septum pierced. 5. i have a double belly button piercing. 6. my feet are extremely tiny for my size. 7. tiny booobies. 8. awesome ass if i do say so myself. 9. bony shoulders. 10. sausage toes.
• 57. Things you want to say to an ex? nothing, actually.
• 58. What are five ways to win your heart? feed me. teach me something new. just sit with me and talk. be compassionate. be honest.
• 59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) no thanks. i look like myself, no one else.
• 60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? 7 years?
• 61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? haha. shoes.
• 62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? there are lots of sexy things people can do.
• 63. What is your definition of “having sex”? penis in vagina. or if you are into that stuff, penis in ass, vaginas scissoring, whatever tickles your fancy.
• 64. What is your definition of cheating? inappropriate emotional and/or physical involvement with someone else that is not your significant other.
• 65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? what is up with they questions. i like KISSES!
• 66. What is your favourite roleplay? oh mann.
• 67. What is your idea of the perfect date? vegan dinner. go see an awesome band.
• 68. What is your sexual orientation? i like men.
• 69. What turns you off? feet. liars.
• 70. What turns you on? a lot of things.
• 71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? um.
• 72. What words do you like to hear during sex? i love hearing some other girls name. its my favorite.
• 73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? just accept me! awhhhhh.
• 74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? good shoes.
• 75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? there is a nice long list. a guy once stood up to me when a guy was being mean to me at a pennywise concert and almost fought a guy. it was so sweet. violence just solidifies love.
• 76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? wrote a poem.
• 77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? who gives a fuck. you like some, you like someone.
• 78. What’s your dirtiest secret? totally going to post it on tumblr.
• 79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? its been a long time. i don’t remember when.
• 80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? earlier today.
• 81. Who are five people you find attractive? james franco, drew buckland (ha), alec baldwin, michael fassbender, phillip phillips.
• 82. Who is the last person you hugged? liam hankins.
• 83. Who was your first kiss with? andrew wirth. haha.
• 84. Why did your last relationship fail? because it was supposed to.
• 85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? as of right now, hell no. but times are changing so idk.

i don’t understand how i could’ve been fooled so beautifully by you.

you are absolutely disgusting inside and out, but you disguise it so elegantly with your words and sensitivity. it is all an act, and i can’t even blame you because i was always the fool. i must have it tattooed in a gorgeous script on my forehead.

FOOL.

Loss is something everyone copes with differently. I feel like people hold a magnifying glass to others at funerals, watching their every move and expression. If a person is hunching his or her shoulders, they must be grieving (and correctly they would add). That man is standing tall and keeping his composure, he must be fine.

For such a diverse country, you would think people would realize that there is no formula for grief. Just because a particular person does not shed a tear, does not mean this same person is tormented inside. The same goes for that man huddled in the corner, weeping like a young child-he may be crying out of guilt, not grief.

We all define loss differently. Loss to some might mean a barrier that is impossible to get over. Others just define it as a thorn on a rose bush we casually brush up against, did it hurt? Yes, it bled even. It might leave a scar even after it is healed, but it is in the past and will not define my future.

Dealing with a loss is not a math problem, it is not “true.” There is no a=1, b=2, so so together they must equal 3.

“March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life’s path.” Kahlil Gibran

RIP Bradford Edwin Middleton. More people love you than I think you ever realized.